


placeholder

by robbersxfilms



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Gen, Jealousy, Kalluto deserves the world, he is the only valid Zoldyck, sorry Killua I love you but you're kind of a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29435913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robbersxfilms/pseuds/robbersxfilms
Summary: Kalluto leaves the troupe temporarily to search for Killua. He finds a brother instead.Connected one-shots.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Kalluto Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Kalluto Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





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**Author's Note:**

> Kalluto is best boy, and he deserves the world. That's it really.
> 
> I just keep replaying back to the Zoldyck family arc, and the way Killua just walks past him and Canary without a single thought or even spare of a glance—boy, there's a reason why you ain't seeing Gon any time soon. Also, I high key think he'll be the one to end Alluka. So it's like that. Some sort of set-up for that possible future. There's a reason why Kalluto joined the Phantom Troupe and while I'm not super up to date with the manga, I firmly believe it has something to do with Killua.
> 
> On a side note, I refer to Kalluto as a boy and use he/him pronouns because in the data book it says he's a boy, and general consensus is he/him. I also once read another fanfiction that hc'ed Kalluto started wearing dresses to be more like Alluka because he wanted Killua to acknowledge him, so I'm going by that sort of canon and narrative in this particular story. You can obviously refer to Kalluto as however you please, of course. Evidently, Kalluto is most likely written to be gender fluid in canon.

Kalluto is silent; his breath like a whisper in the wind, drowned by the storm his family created. If Killua's footsteps are quiet to the beat, Kalluto's are nonexistent. Crisp faith, wandering eyes, maybe that's why he remains sidelined— _forgotten_. By mother, by father. By Illumi and his hypnotic eyes, by Milluki and his unscrupulous hands. By Killua. Is it better to be known and hated, like Alluka, than to exist in silence, with no one to touch? He never really thought about it.

"You're Killua's little brother, right?"

Bright and light, the grin before him sparks something unforgiving inside. The boy is only a little bit older than him, spiked hair and green all around. Nature and life touches every crevice of this boy's being, unlike the smell of death that follows Kalluto around. But there is darkness hidden somewhere in there—one he can't quite understand. So he maintains his tight features, and answers thoroughly.

"Yes."

"What brings you to Whale Island?"

"A doctor told me that to find my brother, I had to find you."

The boy's eyes shatter for a moment, before he picks himself back up. His smile never falters; it holds steady, yet plastic.

"Ah, that's unfortunate." The boy sheepishly utters, scratching the back of his head with tired closed eyes. "I haven't seen Killua in months."

"Oh."

Kalluto is stuck. There is nowhere else to go for him. He doesn't bother to entertain an answer, before he turns to make leave for the port. He can feel the boy stare adamantly at the back of his neck, an unnerving sort of gaze – calm and quiet; dissonant but thoughtful.

"Why don't you stay for awhile?" The boy asks – a surprising turn of events. "My name's Gon."

Kalluto turns, and one look into those same honey eyes is all it takes. He agrees.

Their days are peaceful. No controlling family, no long travels and missions. Gon takes him to all the places Killua's visited, and Kalluto meets his aunt and his grandmother. They have breakfast, lunch and dinner together. He takes his time walking around the town, getting to know the landscape, and every corner of the small island.

Gon fishes and Kalluto watches, sometimes learning. The green haired boy teaches him from time to time, and he listens attentively without uttering a word. The food the women of the house cook are delicious. It's sweet and warm, like something he's never ever thought to have before. _It tastes like home_ , he thinks to himself— _a different kind of home_. Gon sleeps on the floor, and tells him stories of his adventures with Killua. Kalluto wonders if this is what having a brother feels like.

"Hey, Kalluto." One night when it's particularly hard to sleep, Gon whispers through the darkness. "Are you going to keep looking for Killua?"

"No."

The answer is immediate. It's shaky in parts – like the way his voice quivers— _just a little bit_ – but the certainty is there.

"Do you think we have fun together, Kalluto?"

"Yes."

"I asked Killua that a long time ago. I thought maybe then, it'd stick." Gon is laying flat on his back, staring at the ceiling, swimming in deep thoughts. "I don't think we'll ever be the same again. I think I really disappointed your brother."

Kalluto wonders why the wants to tell him about all these things. He wonders why he finds it's okay for him to listen—for him to _know_. Killua was never one for sharing secrets. He always had them, but he only ever told one person; Alluka. There's a drop of jealousy there, enough to act on it—enough to _kill_. But there is no reward in killing that one, _just yet_. So he scrambles to take hold these feelings close to his inflamed beating heart, counts them, and nurtures them. One day he might need them. Today is not that day.

"I can't live up to his expectations, you know? He couldn't live up to mine either." The boy is still talking, Kalluto notices. "We were so perfect for each other; we fit together so well. And that's what broke us apart, I think. We put each other on such high pedestals that neither one of us could ever hope to uphold."

Pedestals; an unforgiving cycle. He once asked Machi about it. She said there were people who looked up to others as if they were the world. Kalluto wonders if that's what he's doing—if that's what Gon and brother did with each other. _It seems hard_ , he thinks to himself, and he tilts his head to look at the window. A breeze scratches against the glass, and wet mist blurs his vision. In the Zoldyck name, tears don't exist. Only blood.

"When I was looking for Ging, Killua once told me that he didn't have a purpose. He left your family because he didn't want to be tied down to it, so he felt lost and followed me as he looked for what he wanted to do. I should've known then that it wasn't always going to be the two of us. He's found what he wants to do; to protect Alluka, and I think that's admirable. He's always protecting people."

 _Brother doesn't have much to protect_ , Kalluto thinks. That's why when he finds something that he wants to hold close to him, he does everything he can to keep it safe. He sees that with Alluka; he sees that with Gon. Even when apart, Kalluto can sense that there is nothing in this world his brother will not do for this boy. Speaking of which, Kalluto has to wonder, _does this boy just want someone to listen?_ His thoughts keep the air hot and suffocating, as Gon lets the quiet lament hang. Should he speak— _do I just want someone to listen?_

"He protected me too."

"I know."

Kalluto sounds, to let Gon know he's still awake— _that he's listening_. That someone's there, unlike the silence that usually answers Kalluto. Gon makes no indication that he's surprised. He doesn't seem to mind either, and continues on with an understanding hum.

"When we were together, he would think things through, and I would do things head first without a thought. Reckless and idiot he'd call me, but he still cleaned up after my messes." Gon laughs – a little too carefree for Kalluto's liking – and looks at him, for the first time since they started talking, with a playful side glance. "I don't think he left because he got tired of doing it—at least I hope that's not it. He had to go because he knew he was enabling me. But as much as I care about him, I don't regret a single bad decision I've ever made, even until now."

Transmuters are whimsical liars, he once heard that perverse clown say. His brother really is one after all.

"What about you Kalluto? Why were you looking for him; why'd you change your mind?"

"You are not perfect."

Kalluto sits up, and stares at Gon. His voice is a little scratchy, as if he's unsure of whether or not these things he speaks of fit right in his mouth. His tone is lower and slower than it usually is. The façade is fading, and he needs to get these words out before he can move forward.

"I am not what he wants."

He remembers looking for approval. Mother, father and Illumi were too fixated on Killua growing up. Milluki didn't give a care in the world; he had his dolls and his games—those were all the things he needed in his life. Alluka was an outlier, and only Killua ever spoke to her – but when he did, there was a tinge of softness in his voice, and a warm look in his eyes.

Alluka liked to play dolls, Kalluto did as well. Alluka liked to dress-up in dresses, and Kalluto stole some of her garments to wear. Killua only ever looked at Alluka— _never Kalluto_. Even when they were the same—they were younger, they wore dresses, the rest of the family paid no attention to them—Killua never spared Kalluto a glance.

"Brother is selfish."

The other boy just looks at him, tilting his head as if to ask _why_. Kalluto supposes he could explain.

"He rejected us."

He once knocked on Milluki's door, and asked to play with his figurines. The corpulent boy gritted his teeth and opened his door wide, throwing words of annoyance at Kalluto. But he let him in anyway. He played with Canary once, and she taught him how to do his hair. Gotoh bought him his own dresses and kimonos. Zebro gifted him a fan for his birthday. Even Illumi ruffled his hair before he left for a long mission.

There was never anything from Killua.

"He ran away from family." He stares dead into lively brown eyes – swirls of beer, coffee and golden syrup – his face schooled into its most neutral form. "But brother found purpose in family."

Gon looks like he's about to say something, mouth halfway open. He bets against it, and just appraises the child before him. Sometimes, even he forgets they're all still children.

"We disappoint him."

"I don't think he's disappointed in you, Kalluto."

Gon tries to smile.

"No." Kalluto says firmly, and lays back down. "There is no disappointment if you don't care."

"Kalluto—"

"Goodnight, Gon-san."

Sleep comes easier after that night. It envelops them in warm silence and spilled secrets. As if birds in cages set free, bottles filled to the brim breaking up into shards and pieces. But there is no remorse nor sadness; a much needed conversation. _Salvation_. And somehow, Kalluto feels a little lighter inside.

**Author's Note:**

> The title, I didn't actually come up with. When writing, I usually have summaries and titles planned ahead of the content itself but this one was written on a whim so I wrote _placeholder_ as a placeholder title. But then on impulse – because I really had no idea what the plot was going to be, this is literally just a bunch of stream of consciousness word dump because I started getting all sad about Kalluto deserving the world and I needed to vENT – I started writing about Gon and Kalluto bonding, and I was like, YOU KNOW WHAT GON MISSES KILLUA AND KALLUTO MISSES ANIKI. So yes, _placeholder_ fits.
> 
> This is marked as complete but I might add more to it later on. It's just going to be a bunch of one-shots of Gon and Kalluto chilling, maybe working things through how they feel about Killua. Maybe at some point, Kill will return and we get some sort of catharsis for all these characters. Don't know yet; maybe if I feel like it. Or when the feels hits again. It always will be like that.
> 
> I don't want to make commitments or get anyone's hopes up. I do think though that there needs to be more Kalluto-centric stories out here. Please spread some love for my favorite Zoldyck 🥺 Anyway, if you want me to continue or if you have any suggestions on where Gon and Kalluto can go from here, I'd love it if you commented them down below :) Also, I hope I did these characters justice and they're not too ooc! I'm also planning a BNHA x HXH crossover. Let me know if anyone's actually interested in that, lel.


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